I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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