Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
