I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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