I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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