Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
