i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
