So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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