I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
