make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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