i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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