Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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