It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
