It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
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I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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