Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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