You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
