How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
