If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I love having hate sex.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
