I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
