I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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