Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
