They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize