just come out here and I will go home with you...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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