at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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