I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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