you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
