So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize