I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we're so committed to being not committed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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