proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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