bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
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Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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