Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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