Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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