Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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