sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize