this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
