I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
