I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
