I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Randomize
