Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
