why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
