Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
