i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You may now shotgun with the bride
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
