You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
