hotel room ftw
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
