he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
