I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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