Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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