Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
