I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize