Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
