we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think I sprained my soul last night
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
foreskin is a definite game changer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
