I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just threw up on my dentist
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
