May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize