So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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