separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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