I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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