I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
