I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
