Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
