HIV tests are more positive than that guy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
