On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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