I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
