How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
