That's intense
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
