you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
