shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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