i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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