heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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