Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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