I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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