all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
