she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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