It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
