Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
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Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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