i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
