I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
